This is a post I have wanted to write for a while. Its VERY long. Now that I have an active blog its time to explain why I know longer attend BARGE or any other ARG event. Honestly I had hoped that time would change my mind but since this years event ended 10 days ago it seems like that time is never coming. This may be rambling, things may be out of order, not everything is important, not everything on its own was enough, some of this is assuredly my fault, some of this is assuredly not 100% accurate, yadda yadda yadda. But this is my story, this is my feelings, this is my opinion. All comments as always welcome.
I was born a poor sharecropper….just kidding
Barge for me began as a dream back in the mid 90s when I was playing IRC Poker/Reading Rec.Gambling.Poker and the other players all talked about Barge. Sounded like fun but I really didn’t have the money to attend. In 1999 I made a last second decision to fly out with Carol and attend at the Orleans. Over the next 16 years I never missed attending and it was the highlight of my year. In 2016 and 17 I had to miss due to reasons. I was also not planning on attending 2018 because I was retiring and moving to Vegas in December and since Carol and the kids were already here, I needed to use my time differently.
But then came the Charles Murray incident.
Every year Barge is put together by a group of volunteers who do an amazing job in a thankless task. Over the previous 7 or 8 years, I had been worried about dwindling attendance. Being a Salesman and an Operations kind of guy, I looked for reasons and solutions to stop attrition. Like most groups, inertia becomes an enemy. But I didn’t just complain, I offered suggestions, I offered to do the work, I offered to help do the work. In general the reaction to me fell along these lines (this is me paraphrasing)—Randy, the Organizers have a hard enough job, stop complaining, it is what it is and what you are doing makes things harder on Organizers and if you don’t like it vote with your feet. This wasn’t one or two folks saying this, this was a majority view (majority of the comments). Cool, so I just kept records on attendance because I am OCD and I stopped whining as attendance at our main event dropped precipitously over the years. Every year Barge tries to attract a speaker for our dinner and awards ceremony. Its always been hit and miss as to whether I enjoyed the speaker but I always attended because it was just a way to share a meal with friends and listen to a generally good talk by people I have heard of or read.
In 2018 around a month before the event it was announced that Charles Murray, yes the Charles Murray of The Bell Curve fame, would be the speaker and he was wanting to learn more about Poker. This is a very controversial book no doubt. The reaction from the membership was swift and angry and aggressive and just downright shitty. The same folks who for years told me to basically shut up and don’t make the Organizers job harder, immediately became the equivalent of a Burn it all Down mob. All of a sudden it was ok to scream and complain and threaten to not attend and everything that comes along when big arguments happen like this. I admit to being stunned at how fast all of these Barge Reactionaries become Barge better change folks. One Barger in particular, who uses the nickname TomBayz resigned all affiliations with Barge, left the WhatApp groups and mailing list etc. On his way out the door he called Barge “a social club for old white racists’. Being old and white and in the club I am sure you can imagine I took that personally (insert Michael Jordan joke here). After much discussion, the Organizers relented and gave in to the mob. Mr. Murray still was attending but instead of speaking he was just going to play cards with us and there would be a Steak Dinner where he would answer questions and meet people who wanted to talk to him.
Being the radical I am (sarcasm right?) I immediately registered and bought a ticket to attend. My only reason for attending was to show support for the 2 guys who invited Mr Murray and were then thrown under the bus by the mob. It bears mentioning that these 2 men are among the most liberal people I know. But they were (and hopefully after this post will remain) friends. Hell, one of them is an avowed and proud Socialist. Who cares? These were my friends being attacked by other friends and I was going to support them period. When the change to the private dinner was made, Mr. Bayz changed his mind. He registered and started talking on the list again and never, not once did the asshole apologize. No biggie, I don’t expect assholes to have common courtesy, that’s why they are assholes. What I didn’t expect was that the Social Club would allow someone to call them Racists, not apologize, and then still be a member in good standing. To me, this felt like a personal insult. Its clear I am one of the few Conservatives in this group as most tended to the other side of the aisle. That honestly never bothered me the first 17 years but now things felt different. I ended up sitting at a poker table with the asshole Bayz and it was not a pleasant experience. He wasn’t rude or anything, I just struggled to be nice so I wouldn’t do what the burn it down mob tried to do. This whole experience flipped a switch in my brain and all of a sudden I no longer felt welcome.
The next issue was way more personal. As my friends know, I fucking hate Jameis Winston. I have given him shit since 2013. I have never not once even mentioned his race. I am relentless when I don’t like an athlete or politician…its just my OCD personality…I cant help it. One of my Barge “friends”, known as QB decided to publicly accuse me of Racism in my attacks on Winston. Obviously this was not ok, I exchanged words with him on DM and on FB and then I blocked him. QB somehow missed years of me attacking Phillip Rivers who may be the whitest dude on the planet. Or my years of attacking Jim Harbaugh who is the second whitest dude on the planet. I posted about it and I cant remember a single Barger really getting upset that a member called a fellow member a racist because I think Jameis Winston is a shitty human. In fact, he has been elected to the Board of Directors and is beloved by most. All good, but just another data point.
Another Barger in a discussion made a fat joke about me. I called him on it and then Blocked him as well. Of course some of the left wing members who see insults in everything, decided I misinterpreted this incident. The same people who stand up for people they don’t even know speaking their truth, told me my feelings were incorrect. This wasn’t all Bargers, most just ignored, no one defended me, and a small group said they discussed on their chat and I was wrong.
Over the next 2 years of the Pandemic more and more members started treating my FB posts as default lies needing to be defended by me to prove why I wasn’t lying. Each time I would share actual data or the source and each time they would never retract the accusation. It got tiresome. So I blocked someone called Bozo who I had also flown to Austin once and had dinner with him and his lovely wife. Then I blocked an old Organizer for just being a massive penis. On and on it goes.
So finally I decided that the ratio of people I like and even love to the people who clearly dislike me (or I dislike them) was way too close to even and why should I ever put myself in that environment? So instead I try and get together with friends through the year or share a meal outside of Barge. Clearly Politics has become a big part of this but it was always there. Politics were never going to make me stop being friends with others. Hell, in 2016 me and a friend organized a Political Poker night at Binions where we all got together over poker and drank a shit ton while discussing Abortion, and Trump, and every topic we could think of. It was one of the best evenings I have ever had. And we all walked away even better friends than we were before it started.
That’s just no longer possible IMHO. That makes me sad. No longer feeling part of the Barge family also makes me sad. But I am also very angry that this part of my life is gone, probably for good. I am sure I have left things out and as I said above, this is my story so I am telling it my way.
All comments welcome
There's a lot here to unpack and a psychiatrist could have a nervous breakdown analyzing all the layers of reactions. However, being intimately familiar with just about everything in your post, I can't say I disagree with a single point you've made, nor do I take issue with your decision -- other than (selfishly) it reduces my number of opportunities to see you.
Addendum: I'm reluctant to post the following, but as someone who has attended 26 consecutive BARGEs (1996 was my first). I must confess this year--2022--was the first occasion I didn't have much of a good time. I never thought that day would come. I am still deciphering if it's BARGE, or missing people, or just me changing, and I have no answers. That said, I think BARGE is in a crisis point as to its sustainable survivability. This is no reflection on the wonderful work of hard working organizers, but perhaps simply a by-product of natural selection and evolution.
Thanks for sharing. I knew most of the backstory but not all. I continue to be frustrated and disappointed by some of the clearly toxic conversations on the list but so far for me, the good still outweighs the bad. I have had private conversations with several BARGErs and discussed the appalling disrespect shown to those who fall on the conservative side. My feeling is that many comments are made on the list that would never be said in person which serve to escalate conversations into dumpster fires. I hope that I am correct about these keyboard warriors but regardless, there is no excuse. I am sad that you (and others) no longer consider BARGE to be something you want to be part of. I hope that we will continue to find opportunities outside of the group to share meals, drinks, and conversation. I promise to do my best not to share COVID, or any other illness, with you again.